Gentlemen, there’s a trick to it (a reflection on waking adolescents, plus egg-in-a-basket recipe)

The scenario is a familiar one: It’s officially summer vacation, Saturday morning, and technically speaking; waking the fourteen year old girl child before noon isn’t something that has to happen. I normally tend to the morning chores and she handles the evenings. But it’s the principle of the thing.

There are no morning people to be found in this household. There never have been. Gently shaking the child, quietly reminding it that it’s loved and cherished, will not elicit a warm bleary smile and a hug. In fact, gently shaking the child should not be attempted without welding leathers and a suitable sacrifice close at hand.

Kittens make good sacrifices. They’ll get tucked under the covers with the girl child. But, as is their nature, kittens can only remain still for a limited amount of time before it’s necessary to go exploring. Sharp little claws! The resultant climbing around will cause the child to get out of bed to deposit the kitten outside the bedroom door.

Dad has achieved his goal once the feet hit the floor. The bladder will have sloshed and they’re off to the bathroom. The child may climb back into bed- but they’re awake and it’s only a matter of time before they throw in the towel and get up ‘n’ out.

In the absence of small furry mammals, there is the tried and true “Egg In A Basket.” Gentlemen, this is easier than rebuilding a carb and I got the idea from a movie that had neither Julia Roberts or Richard Gere in it. I’ve done this and so can you-

1. Using a shot glass, or similarly sized container, punch a hole in a piece of white bread. Go ahead and just eat the “hole” since it’s too small to be bothered with.

2. The perforated bread goes into a skillet on medium heat with a couple of tablespoons of butter. Don’t scrimp and try to get by with margarine. It’s your appendages we’re trying to preserve with this. You’ll miss those fingers when they’re gone.

3. One medium egg is broken into the hole. Go ahead and break the yoke with a fork so the bread will soak up a little bit of the yoke and egg white while it’s toasting.

4. Keep an eye on it! The bread soaks up the butter fairly quickly and it’ll burn if you turn your back on it. Burnt offerings do not work. When you’ve got a nice brown going on the bottom side, give it a flip and cook the other side. The second half will go even quicker so remain vigilant!

The result can be served lightly seasoned with salt and pepper. Preferably at arms length. And because the egg is cooked hard, the entire snack can be eaten without the need for providing sharp utensils. That’s definitely a plus.

Once the girl child sits up to eat, you’ve got her. The innards kick in and it’s only a matter of time.

In closing, I cannot over stress the need for flame retardant gear. Remember: denim burns cold and you’ll be down to your skivvies before you realize you’re on fire. Always- safety first!

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